Jiang told Feng Xiaoya about Ji Hu, although he hoped that this poor infatuated person would know the truth and stop being deceived by lies and misunderstandings, but he was also vaguely looking forward to something. As for what he was looking forward to, he couldn't even tell himself.
Do I want to see him suffer?
Am I in pain?
Perhaps, I just hope that he can make a clean break with Ji Hu and forget all the past. Then I can stop caring about the taboo of the so-called "friend's wife"?
Yi Fei's expression changed again and again, and after a while, he smiled bitterly: "I'm such a villain." After saying that, he turned his head to leave, because he didn't want to stay any longer.
Feng Xiaoya stopped him: "Yifei."
Yi Fei stopped at the threshold, his eyes trembled slightly because of the call, and he said in a low voice, "Sorry."
"Yi Fei, turn around and look at me."
Yi Fei couldn't help but look back. Feng Xiaoya stood up slowly, stood up straight, and then walked, every step was the same distance. He is like a villain made by Gongshuwa, his every move is extremely standard-standard...not like a human being.
"I have experienced pain since I was a baby, before I could feel the light of the world." The baby's eyes were closed when he was born, and it took several days to open them, but his eyesight was also very weak at that time. I don't know what. But they can feel hunger, warmth, softness, pain and other instincts. But for Feng Xiaoya, he felt pain from the moment he was born. His bones, birth defects.
"Later, when I grew up, I could talk and cry, and I cried often. So when I was young, I often cried. I asked my father—why am I in so much pain?" When Feng Xiaoya was young, according to Jiang Jiang's words, "Jiao Didi's young son of Xiangye's family", often crying. But Yifei has never seen him cry since the day he met him, and he has never even seen him weak. Just like at this moment, he looked gloomy, but unusually calm.
"Father asked His Majesty for a three-day leave and took me out to see it. I saw beggars with disabled hands and feet picking up scraps in the sewage ditch; I saw drunk men beating their wives because they were depressed; The wife cleans up the mess in the house after being beaten; sees the child crying because he can't recite the book; sees the white-haired man sending the black-haired man; sees the potbellied bride waiting for her husband who is a soldier outside at the bridge …I saw a lot. My father asked me—you see, you are not alone in suffering.”
Yifei's heart trembled slightly, and he wanted to say something, but he remained silent in the end.
"I asked: Why do you want to live when it's so painful?" Feng Xiaoya stared at him and asked, "What about you? Yifei, last year, you lost everything, why would you rather run away like a dog than be decent?" self-defeating?"
Yi Fei clenched his hands in his sleeves slowly, and after a while he replied, "Because I'm unwilling."
Unwilling to lose to Yishu. Unwilling to let Cheng Guo fall into the hands of such a person. Unwilling to let the father admit his mistakes. Unwilling not to let the mother's spirit in the sky be relieved...
There were too many things that he was unwilling to do, they twisted together and became a rope, firmly tied to his feet, unwilling to let him die.
After Feng Xiaoya got his answer, she didn't comment, but continued: "Father showed me the peach blossoms blooming from the branches overnight; the frogs growing from tadpoles; the frogs flying out of the cocoons and slowly opening up." Butterflies with wings; watching the clouds and mists disperse and the sun rises; watching the rainbow light reflected on the water after the rain. Seeing the beggar basking in the sun with his eyes closed comfortably; seeing the man buy a wooden hairpin for his wife after sobering up; seeing his wife use The wooden hairpin poked his face and smiled; saw the child eating candied haws intoxicated; saw the baby was born and the whole family wept with joy; saw the bride waiting for the letter from the border..." At this point, he smiled, "Father said, you want Look at something good. Beautiful, alive. Then you allow too much pain in this world. Believe in miracles no matter how much you suffer. That's why, every one of us is alive. "
Yi Fei stood silent for a long time before saying in a hoarse voice, "You have a good father."
"I have a good father, that's why, I'm alive. I also have a good friend, a good emperor with great talents in the world. I also have a very, very good fiancée. When they heard that I was sick, she went to Xing Chuan lit a lamp to pray for me. I also have a pair of very good attendants who treat me like relatives. I also met many wonderful people, wonderful and unique. I even met you..."
Yi Fei burst out laughing: "I count too?"
"At least, Xue Cai didn't want to tell me the truth, you told me."
"I want to make you suffer, and then give up on Qiu Jiang." Yi Fei finally spoke the truth.
Feng Xiaoya said: "I know. But it's impossible."
"Why? She's not Jiang Jiang, not your very, very good fiancée!"
"But she is Qiu Jiang." Feng Xiaoya's light words fell on Yifei's heart, weighing like a thousand catties.
He knows what he means.
Although Ji Hu is not Jiang Jiang, when she changed her name to Qiu Jiang, she actually married him. They have been together day and night for half a year. Although they have a purpose for each other, who can say that in that illusory game, no real feelings have been used?
Qiu Jiang is a game specially set up for Feng Xiaoya. But in the end, the name also imprinted on Ji Hu.
"Even if Ji Hu becomes Mrs. Ruyi, takes over Ruyi Gate, and continues the crimes of Ruyi Gate...doesn't it matter?" This is what Yi Fei is most worried about. He has asked himself countless times: If Jihu is such a person, what should I do? He didn't have an answer, so he wanted to hear the answer from Feng Xiaoya.
Perhaps, this is the biggest reason why he chose to tell Feng Xiaoya the truth.
What does this have to do with Fengletian?
"Before my father was alive, he wrote a couplet for Qiu Jiang—" Feng Xiaoya backed it word by word, "Spring dew doesn't dye it, and autumn frost doesn't change it."
Yi Fei chewed the ten words and understood what he meant: "You trust her. No matter who she is, you trust her."
"I have to believe. Because, that's what I live for."
I have endured the extreme pain in the world all the time. If you don't believe in miracles, how can you persevere?
Yi Fei looked at Feng Xiaoya, at his upright standing figure, at his gloomy but bright, fragile but resolute face like white glaze, and finally turned and left without saying anything.
He thought he was different from him after all.
Two different people.
People who grow up loved by their parents and family members will have a precious optimism. What they can see in setbacks is always hope, not despair. This is very important, more important than all qualities such as intelligence, forbearance, and decisiveness.
Therefore, Feng Xiaoya is an optimistic person.
Therefore, Feng Xiaoya's answer was very good, but to him, it was useless.
Because he is a pessimistic person.
He only has all kinds of resentment, and when it comes to Qiu Jiang, he becomes concerned about gains and losses. He could neither trust her like Feng Xiaoya, nor could he destroy her decisively and coldly like Yishu. His entanglement, bewilderment, and hesitation even made him feel disgusted.
I'm such a villain.
Still a jerk.
Even more of a coward.
While thinking so, Yi Fei walked out, mingling with the evening crowd outside the post station.
The setting sun sank little by little. His figure also dimmed a little bit.
***
Feng Xiaoya closed the door, went back to the case, and when she was about to continue to spin beads, the center of her brows moved slightly, she sensed something and looked towards a certain curtain: "Qiu Jiang?"
It's her breath!
Feng Xiaoya flew over immediately, pulled open the curtain, and behind him there was only a half-open window, with a few wisps of hot wind blowing on his face.
Feng Xiaoya jumped out of the window, the backyard was empty and unobstructed, and there was no one there.
But he knew that she hadn't gone far, maybe she was still looking at him somewhere.
Feng Xiaoya's hand clenched tightly, the beads tightly strangled his palm, as if touching his heart. He took a deep breath, and slowly said: "I have guessed some of the real reasons for what you did. It may be wrong, but it may also be true. True or false, it doesn't really matter to me , I once said a word, and now, it is still that sentence-I want to save you."
The backyard was quiet and there was no sound.
No one responded to his words.
Feng Xiaoya stared at the empty front, and said word by word: "If my death can change your life, then my head can also be taken."
A sound of wind moved slightly. Instead of coming, but going.
Qiu Jiang's aura completely disappeared after he finished speaking.
Feng Xiaoya stood quietly for a long time again, her eyes darkened with the afterglow of the setting sun.